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December 2004 - Ask Kim Column
Dear Kim:
I am very much in love with a man who I speak to over the phone anywhere from one to six times a day for two years now. We are very good friends. But he will not see me. He is afraid of falling in love with me. Is this something I should hang on to or do I need to just let it go?
Stacey A., 34
Indianapolis, Indiana
Dear Stacey:
If you've read my column before, or ever had a private session with me, then you know that I'm very frank and candid with my information. First of all, your friend is not being completely forthcoming with you. He is full of baloney when he tells you that he's afraid of falling in love with you! The reason he doesn't want to see you is because he's insecure about the way he looks, and he isn't available for a normal, committed romantic relationship.
At first, the phone friendship was great because it helped you feel connected to another human being who seemed really interested in you. That was certainly a quick fix for your loneliness. However, as you know, the phone romance is no longer enough. It's time to move on because there is no hope that the friendship will transition into anything more serious. He is not a Mr. Wonderful, and you are allowing him to waste your precious time and energy. Break off the relationship now and stop taking his calls TODAY!
Get dolled up and start going out! Join a dating service! Develop the courage to flirt with men who appeal to you! Go to single's events and meet men who are single, available, and looking for the same kind of relationship you are! If you wait, you'll be in the same romantic position another two years from now. And, kiddo, we both know that isn't what you envision for yourself.
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Dear Kim:
In six months, I will be graduating with a Masters Degree in Social Work. While I am very excited to begin a new journey, I have some trepidation about where I will work, how much money I will make, and will I have some freedom and flexibility within the job? I am currently working in a student internship at a private counseling practice, but my gut instinct says not to take a job there (after I graduate) but instead cast my net wider? Any suggestions?
Lynn J-S, 42
Pennington, NJ
Dear Lynn:
Your instincts are correct! After graduation, you would not be satisfied remaining in the current counseling practice. You will get a job working within another private counseling practice by simply emailing your CV, or resume, directly to that office.
Once you're working in the new job, the hours will be long and you're not going to be incredibly excited about your income. However, it will be the perfect choice, offering you the opportunity to resolve two of your key issues; which are patience, and blooming where you are. Only through mastering those two issues will you be able to move to a more satisfying chapter of your life.
Ultimately, you'll establish your own private practice and find happiness and fulfillment contributing to the lives of other people. That's the reason you went through all of that schooling and subsequent internship in the first place. Your own counseling practice will also allow you much more free time to spend with your children, and in addition, there will be lots of financial abundance for you to enjoy. All the best to you as you begin this new chapter of your life!
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Dear Kim:
My love life seems to be a long list of disappointments. Recently I tried to reconcile with a former flame, and it seems to be headed in the same direction. Am I destined to repeat this pattern forever?
Holly S., 27
Austin, Texas
Dear Holly:
Trying to rekindle this old romance is going to be stressful, confusing, and frustrating. And it wasn't satisfying before, so why rehash? It's like having a mad craving for a certain chocolate flavor of Ben & Jerry's ice cream. You already know that you don't have any in the house, but you just can't help opening the freezer door, searching inside, and out of frustration, grabbing what you do have. When you're in a chocolate ice cream frame of mind, (i.e., Mr. Wonderful), orange sherbet is not going to do the trick.
The men you've known before have all been necessary learning experiences to help you develop the wisdom, enlightenment, and maturity you have now. Your challenge will be mustering the patience to hold out for Mr. Wonderful to come down the pike rather than settling for someone who is not of your caliber. At this point in your life, you know who you are, and you know what you want and need. If you wait, I promise that you'll recognize Mr. Wonderful when he does come (October-November, 2005) and you're going to have a very happy marriage, and more children, too!
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Dear Kim:
I have been a caregiver to my family for the last several years. I am currently trying to remove myself from this role and begin my life over. I have been hitting many walls and everything I think of fails. What can I do to get out of this?
Julia Q., 29
Fort Worth, Texas
Dear Julia:
I am very sympathetic to your plight! Initially, it can seem so simple and natural for someone like you to assume the role of caretaker because you're so nurturing, loving, and patient---but then it can be so damn hard to get out of it once you feel you've given all you can. Make no mistake, you can and will be able to change your life.
First, you must let go of all the guilt, and muster the courage to say "NO!" You've already acted above and beyond the call of duty, and now it's time for family members to do for themselves. They will manage without you. Once you've given up the guilt, you'll be able to set goals that represent your dreams, which are now being totally eclipsed by family responsibilities and obligations. The only way to move forward is to return your focus to your life.
In the short-to-medium-term future, you have the ability to create a career you find rewarding; build a great marriage---with children; and find (and afford!) a home that you love. If you can muster the courage to say "NO!" to your family, you'll once again have something to look forward to. Each new day can be a fresh opportunity to climb yet another rung on the ladder leading to the achievement of your goals. You can do it!
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Would you like Kim to answer a question for you in her column? Please write or email your question, including your name and age. If you'd like information about a private session, you can contact Kim at 281-651-1599, or through our Contact Form.
Kim O'Neill
4008 Louetta Rd
#362
Spring, Texas 77388
kim@kimoneillpsychic.com
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